Throwin’ Spray, a phrase from “Here Come the Hawks” and title of the semi-daily post on BlackhawkUp.com, will feature quick-hitting Chicago Blackhawks- and NHL-related news and links. This time, we take a look at the NHL’s 5 hottest ice girls.
I did a lot of research for this post — more than I’ve done for any other post to this site. I’m not ashamed to admit that. There haven’t been any 20-year-old Chicago Blackhawks beating up cab drivers lately, nor any NHL investigations of newly signed stars, mishandled contract offerings or sudden front-office shakeups recently.
Might as well spend my time doing something useful — starring at hot women with whom I’ll never, ever have a chance with. After my extensive research through each NHL franchise’s ice girl squads, here are my Top 5. And if you think I could even come close to putting them in some sort of order to rank gorgeousness, you’re insane.
Sara, Los Angeles Kings (Kings Ice Crew)
This blonde hottie earned extra points because she named Michael Jordan her favorite athlete. She also possesses a couple of other, um, impressive assets. Oh, and Sara’s hidden talent is singing. There’s just something about a beautiful woman who can sing.
And I might take a step back on saying I don’t have a chance with any of these women. I mean, she says the best pick-up line she’s received is: “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only Ten I see.” I think I can come up with something better than that really awful line. Of course, I’m not very attractive so…
Sara’s photo gallery
Yanina, Chicago Blackhawks (Ice Crew)
The Blackhawks’ representative on the list is the Argentinian beauty, Yanina. While stunningly gorgeous and pretty much everything a man could ever want, her answer to what she would bring on a deserted island could have earned her a spot on this list alone:
“I’d bring a Blackhawks fan and a Red Wings fan purely for good entertainment. Then I’d bring a boat so I can sail back to land with the Blackhawks fan and leave the Red Wings fan to play with his octopus back in the island.”
And I’m quite positive she has an accent. Mucho puntos.
Yanina’s photo gallery
Jackie, Columbus Blue Jackets (Pepsi Power Patrol)
Jackie, or “Jax,” is gorgeous, shares the same zodiac sign as me and could melt a frozen stick of butter in the Arctic Circle just by walking within 25 feet of it. That’s why she’s on the list. She’s NOT on the list because her biggest accomplishment in life is winning a karaoke contest.
Actually, whatever. She makes me want to buy Columbus Blue Jackets season tickets. I live in Chicago.
Laura, Anaheim Ducks (Power Players)
This young blonde bombshell has aspirations to become a middle school teacher. And it makes me really, really upset that I didn’t have teachers as hot as Laura when I was in middle school. How are the boys in her class supposed to focus? How can they possibly learn anything?
If you’ve yet to notice, I really like blondes. I think it would be really cool if the ice crews from each NHL franchise were allowed to trade girls to other teams. I’d give up a hell of a lot to get Laura to Chicago.
Sally, Carolina Hurricanes (Storm Squad)
OK, I lied. There is an order or gorgeousness amongst NHL ice girls, and it begins at the top of the list with Sally. There isn’t much more you could want as far as looks go when it comes to an ice girl. Tickets along the glass at the RBC Center should be advertised simply to get a closer look at Sally. Screw the hockey game. This girl can make a Hurricanes fan fretting over a 3-0 first-period deficit immediately crack a smile and forget a hockey game is even being played.
I would gladly suffer through her “Sex and the City” obsession and deal with her Taylor Swift ringtone just to spend some time with a gorgeous woman like this. Congrats, Sally, for topping this meaningless Blackhawk Up list of the NHL’s Hottest Ice Girls.
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