Don’t you ever touch my puck: ‘Hawks 7, Flyers 4 — One more, baby.

Here’s some humor to start the show:

One more. One. More.

Whoever bought the six cases of 5 Hour Energy the Blackhawks slammed before face-off, promote them and grant them sexual favors. The ‘Hawks started the game flying up and down the ice and had an answer for everything the Flyers threw at them in Sunday’s 7-4, Game 5 victory. It’s back to Philadelphia, and the Stanley Cup will be in the building.

These are the Blackhawks we’ve been waiting to see — slightly modified, of course. As many expected, Q-Stache shuffled up the lines and separated Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane and  Dustin Byfuglien for the majority of even-strength shifts. It seemed to work out for everyone.

Toews was a beast  all night, Kane potted a goal off a beautiful feed from  Andrew Ladd and Byfuglien looked like a man possessed. Buff scored twice and splattered  Chris Pronger into the boards on a couple different occasions while being extremely effective in every aspect of the game. Kaner joked at the post-game press conference about Byfuglien: “Yeah, he gets rid of us then starts producing.”

Kris Versteeg scored possibly the biggest goal of the night when he put the ‘Hawks up 3-0 and chased  Michael Leighton  in the first period. The Flyers needed only 32 seconds (more on this later) at the start of the second period before  Scott Hartnell’s goal cut the lead back to two. Without Versteeg’s goal, the game would’ve had a completely different feel being a one-goal game at that point after the ‘Hawks dominated the first period.

Giving a hell of a lot of credit to Philadelphia, it never went away and was within inches of completely turning the game in its favor. If the Flyers took more advantage of some iffy goaltending by  Antti Niemi, who was out of position on at least three great chances for Philly, they could easily be heading home with the series lead.

Alas, the ‘Hawks survived the threats and will have a chance to close this bitch out Wednesday.

Stuff and things…

— How rewarding is it that Pronger played like a complete pile of shit? That big, goofy asshole was minus-5 in 28:47 of ice time, deflected  Brent Seabrook’s shot into the net off his skate, took a beating from and was rendered ineffective by Byfuglien and watched one of Buff’s goals from the penalty box. Justice.

As the clock wound down,  Ben Eager picked up the puck and skated toward the benches. I can only hope he tried to give it to Pronger and said, “Here, you want this one, too?”

— The refs were absolutely horrendous for both sides tonight.  They missed obvious high-sticking penalties when  Brian Campbell and  Daniel Briere almost had parts of their face torn off. Dicks.

— Marian Hossa. He’s… I would bear his children. He might get arrested tonight just for being so damn awesome.

— Byfuglien also had two assists. He should be allowed to skate around the Flyers’ next practice with a giant middle finger in the air for 12-15 minutes.

— Kind of a disheartening stat: The Flyers have answered a Blackhawks goal with one of their own within two minutes 4 times in the series, and they’ve scored  4 goals in either the first or last minute of the period. Not cool. It’s the Stanley Cup Final. We’ve heard a lot about momentum and while I believe overall “momentum” heading into the next game is a bit overrated, momentum within a game is not. Especially on the road in Game 6, this kind of shit can’t happen.

— The Blackhawks are still losing sight of Flyers creeping to the net from behind the cage. Briere missed two golden opportunities tonight in which he was pretty much standing by himself. Scoring seven goals made us overlook this a bit, especially since the ‘Hawks took it too the Flyers offensively most of the game. However, blown coverage bit the ‘Hawks in the ass multiple times this series. Keep your eyes peeled, fellas, and tighten up along the blue line to disrupt the Flyers’ rush into the zone.

— I’m not sure what’s scarier: Brent Sopel and Nick Boynton with their hideous faces standing in front of me in a dark alley, or the two of them being paired up on defense.

— Peter Laviolette is the biggest sore loser in hockey. If the Flyers win, he sits at the post-game press conference with a smile on his face like he’s getting a blowjob under the table from  Megan Fox. After a loss, he’s the biggest jerk to every single media member asking so much as a simple question that would require a simple 20-second answer. He talks down to everyone and treats them as if they know nothing, and it’s the most egotistical, smug thing I’ve ever witnessed. He could take a page out of Q-Stache’s book when it comes to dealing with the media. You have to do it, so suck it up and answer the goddamn question like a man and not a smug pansy.

The NHL is channeling its inner-NBA by giving the ‘Hawks and Flyers two days off between games. We have to wait until Wednesday for the Blackhawks to play in their first potential Stanley Cup-clincher since 1961. Damn that sounds awesome.

‘Til then…

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