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Chicago Blackhawks Flashback: Exercise Your Right

By Colin Likas
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It’s Wednesday, meaning some Blackhawk Up readers are about halfway through their work week. So I’m going to provide a blast to the past each Hump Day to give you all a little extra oomph and help you get to the weekend. The Chicago Blackhawks have done a lot of funny or endearing video spots since the organization emerged from its dark days. Those spots will be the topic of these flashback posts.

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In previous issues of this post, we’ve glanced back at Joey the Junior reporter and an old Blackhawks holiday video. So what can follow those gems? I’ll answer my question with another question.

How much ridiculousness can you fit into a 32-second video? If you’re the guys and gals in the Blackhawks’ promotional/media department, the answer is a resounding “all of it.”

It’s always fun to see Blackhawks players in the All-Star game, and so the team put together a video to encourage fans to vote for Jonathan Toews‘ entry into the festivities in Columbus earlier this year. How they came up with the theme for this video is anyone’s guess, but it’s absolutely fantastic.

We’re immediately transported back to what I assume is the 1980s (sorry, I wasn’t born yet) with some catchy workout music and a clip of Toews schooling Tuukka Rask. We’re then informed Toews is the original Canadian dream. But that’s not the talking point here.

Two Toews’s?! We’ll never lose again. (Screenshot from YouTube)

Does anyone else get the feeling these clothes were taken from Joel Quenneville‘s closet? Like he wore them to team workouts in his playing days, hid them in the deepest recesses of his closet for years after his retirement, then sheepishly offered them to the team’s video people when they asked if anyone had 80s workout gear. I’m going with that.

Regardless, Toews looks hysterical, and maybe a little emotionally defeated. Whenever a ridiculous promotional video idea comes up, you know Toews is going to be involved, and it might slowly be killing him inside.

So then we get Toews scoring another goal, with a pretty cool outline effect put on the image. And after that …

Don’t act like you don’t know how to frown, Tazer. (Screenshot from YouTube)

We’re told we need to vote for Toews, “don’t make him frown.” And even though he spends about 90 percent of his time on the ice frowning, he still pulled off the most cartoonish frown for this spot. Perfect.

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We follow this with Toews throwing his gloves off after a win over Boston (might have been the 2013 Stanley Cup win; hard to tell), only for the gloves to come back to him and then fly off once more. If Toews has some sort of magnetic pull to hockey equipment, it would explain why it’s so hard to get the puck from him. After that is a goal in one of the Winter Classic games, with more cool outline-type effects.

And then, the horror …

EGAD! (Screenshot from YouTube)

Turns out Bryan Bickell, Patrick Sharp, Duncan Keith and Patrick Kane were roped into this as well. Bickell, as was the case in the holiday video, is enjoying this more than anyone. Sharp has the thought “Please don’t let my children see this” running on repeat through his head. Keith is still wondering why Seabrook never has to do any of this. And Kane … is probably getting his daily workout in. Let’s be honest, he probably works out in clothes like those.

As their workout antics continue, we see Bickell actually has a pair of little weights. But Kane eventually shifts to some sort of dance routine, waving his hands in front of his face while possibly trying to imitate Uma Thurman’s character in Pulp Fiction.

The voiceover guy encourages us to find the Blackhawk we want to support and vote now before we’re treated to very quick shots of each of the five players with workout equipment, including Kane riding an elliptical and winking at the camera.

Whether you have or haven’t seen this, try not to laugh too hard if you watch it at work.

Next: Chicago Blackhawks Trivia: Numbers Game

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