Chicago Blackhawks-Chicago Cubs Drinking Game

Boy, is today going to be exciting.

The Chicago Blackhawks will be raising their sixth championship banner into the United Center rafters tonight ahead of their season-opening tilt against the New York Rangers. Meanwhile, approximately 462 miles away, the Chicago Cubs will experience their first postseason action in seven seasons when they face the Pittsburgh Pirates in a wild-card game to determine who moves on to the National League Division Series.

If you’re a fan of both of these clubs, as I am, your viewing loyalties will be seriously tested. And, if you’re a fan of both of these clubs, your nerves will certainly be put to the test. Sure, the Blackhawks are playing Game 1 while the Cubs are playing Game 163, but it’s hard not to get a little nervous watching your team in action regardless of the situation.

The good news, if you’re of age, is that you can crowd around a TV or some TVs with friends and share some drinks during these events. Whether you decide to stick to one or find a way to watch both, you’re sure to be entertained on what’s sure to be one of the most interesting nights of sports in Chicago since the Blackhawks won the Cup in June.

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So, if you do decide to go the route of sharing some drinks with friends while watching one or both of these events, I feel it’s only fair for you to have a little additional fun with it. What I’m suggesting, of course, is a drinking game. If anything, it’ll take your mind off the stress we put on ourselves by being fans, at least to some extent. And even if you aren’t a fan of both teams (you’re probably a Blackhawks fan if you’re reading this, but I digress), you can still have some fun if you decide to tune in for either contest.

A disclaimer: If you’re going to do anything suggested in this post, or consume alcoholic beverages in general, during these sporting events Wednesday, please do so responsibly. Get a designated driver if you need one or pass out on a buddy’s couch until you’re good to go the next day. Wednesday could be a memorable night in Chicago, and you’ll certainly want to be around regardless.

With that, let’s begin!

Mar 8, 2015; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Blackhawks left wing Teuvo Teravainen (86) skates against New York Rangers right wing Mats Zuccarello (36) during the first period at the United Center. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports

While watching the Blackhawks face the Rangers …

Take a drink if/when:

The 2015 championship banner appears on screen
A clip from the Cup-clinching game against Tampa Bay is shown
Eddie Olczyk yells “STOP IT RIGHT THERE” or “ALL YOU YOUNG HOCKEY PLAYERS” on the broadcast
Pierre McGuire talks about a hockey player’s youth experiences on the ice
Doc Emrick says “Shoveled it along”
Joel Quenneville appears on screen looking unhappy
Alain Vigneault appears on screen looking confused
Patrick Sharp, Johnny Oduya, Brad Richards or Brandon Saad are mentioned
Chelsea Dagger plays

Take two drinks if/when:

Joel Quenneville smiles/laughs while being interviewed by Pierre McGuire
Doc Emrick yells “WHAT CHAOS” or “RANG IT OFF THE PIPE/POST”
Doc Emrick refers to a period of time longer than 60 seconds without using the word minute(s)
Sidney Crosby is referenced on the broadcast
The Boston Bruins are referenced on the broadcast
The Rangers score in part because Trevor Daley got caught behind the play
There’s a fight

Finish your drink if/when:

Eddie Olczyk talks about horse racing
A hit dislodges a pane of glass
The Blackhawks win the game in 3-on-3 overtime

Find a six-pack and pour it all over yourself/into your mouth if/when:

Corey Crawford fights Henrik Lundqvist

Oct 2, 2015; Milwaukee, WI, USA; Chicago Cubs pitcher Jake Arrieta (49) pitches in the first inning against the Milwaukee Brewers at Miller Park. Mandatory Credit: Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

While watching the Cubs face the Pirates …

Take a drink if/when:

A billy goat appears on screen or is discussed
Steve Bartman appears on screen or is discussed
The black cat running by Ron Santo appears on screen or is discussed
The 2008 Cubs appear on screen or are discussed
Pirate Parrot (the Pirates’ mascot) appears on screen (two drinks if he’s awkwardly swinging his hips)
A Cubs player rubs his helmet (two drinks if it’s a pitcher)
The St. Louis Cardinals are referenced on the broadcast
The NL Central containing the league’s best three records is referenced on the broadcast

Take two drinks if/when:

Jake Arrieta or Gerrit Cole records a hit
The Pirates strand a runner on third base
Starlin Castro does his hand-waving thing after getting on base
Someone hits a homer to the short porch in left field (finish your drink if it’s a pitcher)
Anthony Rizzo gets hit by a pitch

Finish your drink if/when:

The Pirates go down big and decide to get revenge for Chris Coghlan sliding into and injuring Jung Ho Kang
A fan runs onto the field

Find a six-pack and pour it all over yourself/into your mouth if/when:

Jake Arrieta throws a no-hitter or perfect game

I left everyone plenty of opportunities to simplify this game to their own liking and tolerance level. Wednesday should be a fun night, especially if you’re a fan of both of these clubs, so why not have a little extra fun? We are fans, after all.

If you’re watching both of these games and decide to play my little game, may Marian Hossa have mercy on your soul.

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